79. Ride-or-Die Couples: Why You Have So Many Blow-Ups

Meet the Host

Five years ago, after achieving my degrees and teaching as a professor, I was feeling proud that I had checked everything off my life list. But, I wasn’t satisfied in my marriage.

Today, I’m a relationship coach on a mission to resurrect the side of you that got lost in your relationship and responsibilities teaching you how to stop arguing and have more sex. Millions of people around the world soak up my content for advice on how to have a more satisfying relationship.

In this week’s episode, we talk about why ride-or-die couples have so many blow-ups. 

When you are in a ride-or-die relationship your partner's opinion matters so much to you that when it seems like they’re being even a little negative, you’re going to have an argument.

I see this happen all the time with the couples I coach, and it’s because you take your opinions so seriously. You care so much about what your partner thinks of you that if they don’t automatically love what you love, you’re going to feel unsupported, and it creates a blow-up. 

This is an all too common problem that we can fix together. Tune in to hear how to stop arguing and be more intimate with your partner. 

Click the link to listen below and email me back with your thoughts, I want to hear from you!

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Episode Transcript:

Karina: Welcome back to Relationships. You Understand? With me, your host, Karina F. Dave's relationship coach and speaker and podcast host of this dope-ass podcast. Today we're going to talk about ride-or-die couples and why they argue. Why do they have blowups? Okay, as you know, I just want to thank you for coming back for another week This podcast is meant to talk about all things relationships your marriage The person that you're dating the person that you're interested in whatever it is.

We are talking about Relationships from time to time. I also talk about friendships and work-related things But primarily we talk about relationships, romantic relationships, you understand? 

 Today we're gonna talk about why ride-or-die couples have so many blow-ups, right? As somebody, like myself, that has been in a ride-or-die marriage for going on 12 years, I can tell you exactly the reasons why we argue.

I met my husband when we were 13 in high school. school. We dated, for a period of time and then I went off to live my life and he went off to live his. We redated back in college for a little bit, but really wasn't, uh, I didn't take it that much seriously. We started to date again once I got into graduate school, stopped again, and then finally dated another time when I was living.

Actually, I had moved back from Delaware. Four months later, we got married. It's been 12 years now. Anyways, I would consider us to be in a ride-or-die relationship. And so, it's not even that you've been together for a long time. Ride-or-die relationships are described in one word, which is committed, okay?

If you are in a ride-or-die relationship, Your theme for your relationship is you are committed not just to each other But you are committed to your opinion. You are committed to your point of view You are committed to the thing that you want to do or the thing that they want like they want to do you are Committed.

Okay, and today I'm going to talk to you Why if you're in a ride-or-die couple why you have so many blow-ups Top three reasons why ride-or-die couples have blow-ups. Okay. And I want you to understand that I personally have had these blow-ups with my husband. Okay. And so I get it, alright? And also I do want to share that when I think about ride-or-die couples, I not only think about committed to their point of view or committed to the things that they want to do, but also committed to the love that they have and the love that they have for each other.

I do believe that ride-or-die couples are very different. And that they haven't been studied as much and they probably haven't been tagged as ride or die, in the same, in the way that I am. But today we are going to do that. So maybe I will write a book called Ride or Die Couples at some point. But I do know that ride or die couples are a different breed.

They really are and today I'm going to tell you three main reasons why y'all blow up, okay? Number one is that you take each other's opinion so Seriously, and here's the thing when you are in a ride-or-die couple the opinion of your partner matters a lot So much to you, like it matters more than a confidant, a mentor, a best friend.

When you are in a ride-or-die relationship, your partner's opinion matters so much to you that when It doesn't align with something positive towards you when it seems a bit negative or it seems a bit Judgmental or it seems a bit off. Their opinion is going to cause you both to argue and possibly blow up because You take their opinions so seriously And what I want to offer you in these moments is that when your partner decides to give you their opinion about yourself, your attitude, your behavior, a move you're making, whatever it is, I want you to, instead of become offended, I just want you to be curious, right?

And what that looks like is when they say to you, which you know, is the word that pisses everybody off always, right? Like you always forget in those moments, that is them giving them, giving you an opinion of yourself, right In that moment. I just want you to be curious when you can just literally calmly say, what do you mean?

Do I, do I always forget? And I get to say, yeah, you always forget the garbage and then you could be like, Oh, where'd I do? Like every day? Yeah, like all the time. I'm always the one throwing it out. All right. I hear you. I'll do better. And that's it. You let it go. You don't take every single opinion that they have about you so seriously, but because you were in a ride-or-die relationship and because you're so committed, You take their opinion so heavily.

You understand? The second reason why ride-or-die relationships have blow-ups and argue so much is because their dreams are so big. Hear me out. When you are in a ride-or-die relationship, because you are so committed, Your dreams are also very much committed. You are a very big visionary. You want big things and a lot of things come with being a big dreamer.

You are very motivated. You could come up with an action plan in less than 24 hours. I mean, if today you wanted to be a firefighter by Friday, or by next Friday, you would have already figured out how to take the test, what equipment you need, what. You know, I don't know body weight you need it to be like you would figure it out Your dreams are so big and you are so committed to them and plenty of times in our ride-or-die Relationships, we don't always necessarily feel like Our dreams are supported.

We don't necessarily feel like our partner agrees with our dreams So when we don't feel like our ride-or-die partner is aligned with our very big dream It messes with us. It makes us feel like we're Losers it makes us feel like we don't matter. It just doesn't feel good And so, what I want to remind you in these moments is, again, take the same advice I said when, you take each other's opinions so seriously is, yes, become curious.

But also understand that like God gave you the vision. Okay, let me preach for a second. God gave you the vision Not your partner. And so if God gave you the vision to have this very big dream It means that God gave it to you. So you are exponentially going to feel much different and much more excited than your partner does about this dream.

For example, when my husband talks about race car driving, there is a twinkle in his eye that I don't understand. I don't think that It is exciting. I mean, am I excited for him? Yeah, but when he talks about it in the back of my mind I'm thinking how dangerous it is. I'm thinking like why would anybody want to do this?

Like I don't have the same passion and drive and dream to become a racecar driver in the same way that my husband does not understand How I am so committed and have a dream to serve and can get on camera multiple times, can record things without even being scared. Like he doesn't understand it and doesn't even know why I would want to do this.

He doesn't see the dream. I've seen the, I like, I've had the dreams. I've had the visions. God has shown me these platforms multiple times. He's shown me the stages. He's shown me the population. He's shown me the problems. Like I've. My vision and when you are in a ride-or-die relationship and you propose your big dream to your partner and they don't get as excited as you want them to be as attached to their excitement as you want them to be, you blow up.

You begin to argue because all of your eggs are in their basket. You understand? And I don't want that for you. I want you to become detached from needing their excitement to be on the same level as yours. It's your dream. They don't have to be as excited as you are. There is a very different Thing between being you know, just like wow, that's great honey and like wow, you suck.

You'll never make it right but you're interpreting their lack of excitement as Wow, you suck and that's not what they're saying. They're just not as excited as you are and that's okay And if anything your source should be God not an attachment to your partner, but that's a whole other podcast Alright, and the third and last reason why ride-or-die couples argue and have blow ups is because they don't feel considered.

Karina: So what happens is, remember what I said about ride-or-die couples? One of their biggest themes is that they are committed. Now, When you are committed, you are very much committed to thinking about your partner in ways that nobody else thinks about them. Like, they may not even think about themselves in the way that you think about taking care of them or you think about them, right?

And so, If you are in a ride-or-die relationship and there comes a moment where you don't feel considered by your partner, you will argue with your partner because you will go back into your brain thinking about how much you consider them, how much you think about them, how much you do for them, how much you're there for them, how much you have supported them, how much you appeared for them, when under, when others weren't there, right?

When you are in a ride-or-die relationship, you will argue because you don't feel considered. You don't feel like they consider you in the same way that you consider them. And what I want to offer you in this moment is that if this is you and this is where most of your blow-ups happen is I want you to go back to figuring out what your relationship values are and then communicating that to your partner because they just may not know.

You think that because you treat your partner a certain way, immediately it should be reciprocated to you. Like, it should just be known that because I do this thing for you, that that is what I want done for me. No, then that's you expecting them to read your mind.

That's not the case. You have to tell your partner what you like. You have to tell your partner what you desire. You have to tell your partner what you want. Your partner ain't Miss Cleo. For those of us who watch Miss Cleo, tell everybody to call her so that she can tell them their future. Your partner ain't Miss Cleo.

Your partner is your partner who deserves to know and understand and grow with you, but can only do those things if you communicate with them and communicate to comprehend, right? with them, what it is that you want, what it is that you desire and what it is that you need. They ain't gonna know. So in those moments that you don't feel, considered, you need to tell them, okay?

And not in some like, you know, disrespectful way. There is a very respectful way to tell your partner your needs without it needing to blow up. Okay, as a relationship coach, I see this so often with couples that I consider my ride-or-die couples. And again, it doesn't mean that you need to be with each other for a really long time.

Ride-or-die couples are simply couples that are very much committed to each other, committed to growing, committed to, you know, the evolution of their relationship, committed to considering each other. You ride-or-die couples, I've seen as a relationship coach that They see very much black and white. Very black and white.

Like it's either this way or no way. There's no middle ground. And one of the things that I teach in my private one-on-one coaching program is how to see the gray area. In order for you to stop arguing in your relationship, in your ride-or-die, Relationship, you have to see the gray area. Seeing the gray area allows you and your partner to forgive each other quicker.

When you see the gray area, you and your partner will be able to be intimate a lot sooner, a lot quicker with each other as opposed to having a lot of resentment with each other. When you and your partner are able to see the gray area in situations where you may not be seeing eye to eye, you start creating the muscle of flexibility.

You become flexible with each other in order to problem solve quicker. When you are able to see the gray area in your relationship as opposed to see everything black and white. You and your partner are able to grow with each other and be more creative about those business ventures or about those beautiful big dreams that y'all want to have with each other.

You cannot be creative in your relationship right now if you are choosing not to see the gray area. You understand? And I want to help you do this. Okay, so listen right now if you're listening to this podcast I'm just going to summarize it for you very quickly Which is if you are in a ride or die Relationship the top three reasons why you have blow ups is number uno you take each other's opinion very seriously too Seriously number two your dreams are really big and number three you don't feel considered Okay, I want to work with you and your partner right now in order to help you both to see the gray area so that you can have more sex.

I want to help you and your partner see the gray area so that you can stop arguing and work on your dreams a lot more and have energy for your dreams, have opportunities to be able to brainstorm together. I want to help you and your partner grow, into the mature relationship that God wants for you.

Okay? Go to the link in my bio, book a sales call so we can talk about everything that's happened so far, what you tried and how I can help. I want to help you guys become who God is calling you to be. You understand? Okay, let me pray for you. Can I pray for you? I'm gonna pray for you anyways. All right, here we go.

Father God, thank you so much for allowing, whoever's listening right now to be here. I thank you, Lord, that you allowed us to get up another day and I Can speak for many of us, who are very grateful that tomorrow is Friday, even though this podcast episode won't air till next Tuesday. I thank you that who is ever listening live knows that tomorrow is Friday and we're thankful for that, that we just get an opportunity to rest, an opportunity to be with our family.

Lord, I thank you for that. I want to talk right now to the couples that you've anointed, Lord, and the people that you are preparing to anoint to be in a couple right now. I ask that you shift our heart posture to be one of servitude, that you shift our heart posture away from being judgmental to our partners.

And let me tell you, this is really hard not to judge each other. Okay. I ask that you remove the spirit of judgment from our hearts and allow us to just see our partners as you see them, which are just children of God. I ask that you not let us become impatient with our partners and allow us to understand that the timeline that our partners have, you make up.

Like we, we are not God. And so would you remind us that we ain't you? Remind us that we're just the vessels that you put on here to love them and marry your love. And for anybody that's listening right now, I ask that you Seep into our hearts and allow us to feel just areas of our relationship where we may not be showing up, the way that you want us to show up.

Give us the conviction necessary in order to be in our relationships the way that you want us to be in there. Lord, being in a relationship and being married is one of the hardest freaking things that you've ever had me do. I would much rather go back to school for another seven years Then do this all over again I'm so happy that you got my marriage to where it is now and I can speak for many couples when I say that Marriage and relationships are hard But I know that when we have you as a third knot that when we have you at the forefront Anything is possible Lord.

Would you speak to our partners that may be struggling with? depression anxiety Any type of mental illness, any type of just insecurities, or would you speak to our partners and would you allow us to pray for our partners in the times where we just, you know, want to give them up? If anything, instead of giving up, may we just give them to you.

Lord, I ask that you take care of our children tomorrow as they go to schools, bless their schools, protect their schools, protect their brains, protect their teachers, and also, Lord, for many marriages that are listening right now, protect our finances, Lord, allow us to be good stewards of our money in this season as you're calling us to manage our monies better.

I love you, Lord, and I thank you for just loving us the way that we are, and I know I've said this plenty of times, but I just can't believe that you would choose and love us. So broken, so wretched, so, so this. I thank you Lord. There's nobody like you and, You are the only person that creates miracles the way you do.

We love you so much in your name we pray. Amen. Okay! Thank you so much for coming back for another week of Relationships You Understand with me, your host, Karina F. Daves. Speaker, relationship coach and podcast host of this dope podcast. I just, want to thank you for being here and listen, if you want to work together, go to link in my bio and book a sales call, so we can talk about what's happened in your relationship so far and what you've tried and how I can help.

I want to help you in this season with your partner, figure out how to see the gray area so that y'all could start being. Friends and partners again rather than roommates. You understand? I know that's speaking to somebody right now If you are interested go to the link of my bio and also sign up for my email which is called relationships Uh, Surrender Your Relationship where I send weekly gems on how to surrender your partner.

If this podcast resonated with you, please, please, please go to Apple iTunes and leave me a rating, leave me a comment, ask a question, whatever it is, share it with all of your amigos and make sure you subscribe to it. I just really want to thank you for, for what you're doing and for what, what you I'm getting really emotional here.

Um, I just want to share really quickly before I hop off that God is so good and uh, I can't even begin to share the hundreds amounts of testimonies and I'm sure there's so many more. I mean, if you have a testimony that God has been so good to you, just say amen in the chat and you know, when I started my podcast, it was in April of 2020 and it was just a word that I got from God to, have a lab to help women.

That's all it was. I wasn't trying to be perfect. I wasn't trying to edit this podcast a certain way. I just had a message. And I, now watching this podcast grow three years later, having taken multiple breaks, six-month hiatuses, you know, not involve guests anymore, you know, let go of my perfectionism. And just record I just want to offer you that like if you want to start something It doesn't have to be perfect if you want to start Something to help someone or start something because you needed that help just start it It really doesn't have to be perfect.

It really doesn't have to be all glitz and glam and I learned that early on and the best piece of advice Business podcast or whatever that I can give you is to just surrender your perfectionism Surrender the negative thoughts surrender the what-ifs and just live in the oh wells The reason why I think that I am the entrepreneur that I am today is because I live in the oh wells I live in the old wells and I'm fine with that.

I'm not perfect and I know I don't share this enough, but You know the side that y'all see of me is Just as a relationship coach is is the tidbits that you see of my marriage, right? But on the other side I get you because I'm also a mom I'm also You know in my nine-to-five still commuting three times a week.

I'm still coaching. I'm still doing this podcast I'm still attending events and speaking and I still have friends and I want you to know that, it's possible. And one of the things that was reminded on a coaching call recently is, I don't have the luxury to not do this right now. I just don't. And I'm very committed to it.

And, uh, and I'm doing it for who's ever listening for whoever needs it. I can't tell you the amount of messages I get. In my DMs of people that necessarily may not be interested in working with me, which is fine, but are just messaging me to tell me that the one podcast that they decided to tune into changed their life.

Like, that's crazy to me. That's crazy to me that you could change somebody's life with just one podcast episode. You're hold and and and for you if this is something that you want to start Understand that like you're holding out because you want it to be perfect You're holding our impacting that one listener that really needs you Just because you wanted to look and feel a certain way like just get out there man.

Just get out there Anyways, God is so good and I didn't mean to go on this, this tidbit, but I just, I just really wanted to say thank you. I just wanted to say thank you to everybody who trusts me and believes in me and has faith that, that they will be poured into when, We show up together. I just want to thank you for that.

And I want to thank the Lord for allowing me to be his vessel and for allowing me to help you. And, uh. Yeah, it's not easy, but I'm here. And every time I say I'm here, I think of elf, but he's like, I'll be here. Anyways, I'm here and we're here and we're doing it. All right. Praise God. And if you want to work together and if you're ready to work together, I want to do this work with you.

I want to life coach you through this season of your life or whatever it is that you're struggling with. We're going to get you back. Okay. We're going to get you back. Go to link my bio and book a sales call. 

Anyways, thank y'all so much. I hope that y'all come back next week and I love you and Te mi corazón. Okay, ciao!