102. Marriage 101 Pt 4: How We Keep Our Marriage Alive

Meet the Host

Five years ago, after achieving my degrees and teaching as a professor, I was feeling proud that I had checked everything off my life list. But, I wasn’t satisfied in my marriage.

Today, I’m a relationship coach on a mission to resurrect the side of you that got lost in your relationship and responsibilities teaching you how to stop arguing and have more sex. Millions of people around the world soak up my content for advice on how to have a more satisfying relationship.

Welcome to our new podcast series - Marriage 101. In this 4 part series, I break down the history of my marriage, from my perspective.

In Part 4, I explain how knowing who I am, knowing what I value, and being committed to my husband is what keeps our marriage alive.

Marriage is not about perfection, marriage is about progress.

Learn why self identity is pivotal in how you progress, and how you navigate your relationship.

Click the link to listen below and email me back with your thoughts, I want to hear from you!

If this episode resonated with you and you're ready to work with me during this season of your life, then I invite you to book a call for us to connect and chat.

During this call, you will share what is going on in your life, what you have tried so far, and I will share how I can help. I can't wait to meet you.

P.S. This podcast is sponsored by ⁠⁠⁠BetterHelp®⁠⁠⁠. Get professional support when you need it, at a fraction of the cost of in-person therapy. ⁠⁠⁠Sign up today and receive 10% off your first month!⁠⁠⁠ Click the ⁠⁠⁠⁠link⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠to get started!

BetterHelp: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://betterhelp.com/karinafdaves⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram: ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/karinafdaves/

Tik Tok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠ https://www.tiktok.com/@karinafdaves

Personal Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.karinafdaves.com⁠⁠⁠⁠

Youtube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqlt...

Amazon Storefront: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.amazon.com/shop/karinafdaves

Episode Transcript:  

Karina: Amigos, como están? My name is Karina F. Daves. I am a relationship expert, speaker and podcast host of this dope podcast, Relationships. You Understand? Thank you so much for coming back for another episode as I am away on my girls trip, which if you follow me on Instagram or TikTok, I will be sharing.

This is my girl's trip type of story and just like beautiful lessons that I've learned while I've been here. Now, as you know, all of these episodes are super short. We're going to keep this to about under 10 minutes. This is the last part of our marriage 101 series. If you have not listened to the series yet, you need to go back to it where I literally break down for you why my marriage didn't work, what we did to start it, to start making work. And today we're going and how my marriage changed me, which is our hundredth episode. But today we're going to focus on how we keep our marriage alive. And as I was preparing for this episode, I was in this place of like, how do we keep our marriage alive? And I was going back to surrender and sex and God and intimacy and spirituality and all of the things that I mentioned in previous episodes.

And so for this episode, I want to do two things. And so if you're here and you need prayer for your relationship, I'm going to pray over your relationship. And if you're here and if you're going through a difficult time in your marriage, in your situationship, in your long term relationship and your long distance relationship, whatever the case is, we're going to pray for you hardcore in this episode. But first, I want to tell you how my husband, Terrence and I have been keeping our marriage alive. And what I want to say is that our marriage is not perfect, you understand?

Marriage is not about perfection. Marriage is about progress. And when you start seeing that marriage, a relationship, is about the progression and the evolution, you start admiring the growth. You start looking back at the years and being like, dang, like we went from cursing each other out to now giving each other high fives and stinking away from the kids just to have quickies at 1:30 in the afternoon, which is my situation by the way. But it's going to be yours as well. When you can look back and not have to focus on the perfection, but focus on the progression, you understand me?

So when I start thinking about what are the things that keep my marriage alive, number one, it's exactly what I tell all of my clients who work with me. You need to know who you are. Your identity, self identity outside of the relationship is going to be pivotal in how you progress and how you navigate that relationship. When you know who you are, then you know what you want, right? Those are your values. First, it's your identity, then it's your values. When you know who you are, you know what you want. And then all that is left, and I know you're gonna be like, Karina, marriage isn't that simple. I hear you, but it sort of is. And so how we have been keeping our marriage alive is we know who we are. We know who we are.

We know what we want, which are our values. And then all that's left to do is be committed to the commitment, the promise that you made when you said, do. When you said, let's be boyfriend and girlfriend. When you said, let's give this thing a shot. Literally, that's all it is when it comes down to keeping it alive. Now, everything else, when it comes to the relationship in regards to surrender and intimacy, which I have broken down in previous episodes, is amazing. Those are the tools that I want you to use. But when you ask me, knowing who I am, knowing what I value and being committed to my husband has been the very thing that has been keeping my marriage alive. You understand me?

And it's not about, you know, I don't want you to sit there and think to yourself, y 'all have never lost yourself. Heck no. I have lost myself, especially after having kids. I did lose myself. My husband's lost himself plenty of times, right? But then that's where the spirituality comes into place because who's the first person to remind you who you are? God, right? And you are all children of God, right? And so I want you to remember that in order to keep your relationship, in order to keep your marriage alive, you have got to have your identity knowing firmly who you are, which leads to knowing what you want, which are your values, your values of loyalty, of respect, of intimacy, your values of financial security. Those are your values. And when you know all of those things, all that's left to do is remain committed to the covenant, to the promise that you made to each other. It's really that simple.

So when you watch Terrence and I know that we are not perfect, but there is a deep commitment to not just the marriage, but there is a deep commitment to our individuality and who we are. There is not one day that I don't think about who I am and if it's still me. If you haven't thought about if it's still me, that's the question I want you to ask yourself today. Is this still me in this relationship? Is this still who I am? You may have changed, right? You may have evolved, but is this still core fundamentally you?

Is it still you, Roxanna? Is it still you, David? Is it still you, Langston? Is it still you, Maurice? Is it still you, Isabel? Is it still you, Francesca? Is it still you, Martin? Is it still you? Your partner is meant to bring light to the many things that you haven't dealt with, but also hold your hand and grow with you through that. Let me pray for you.

Father God, I just wanna take this moment to thank you for allowing me to have the gift that I have and being able to spread that. Lord, in this very moment, for the people that are listening to me right now, whatever their situation is, if they are married, if they are in a committed long -term relationship, if they are in a situationship, if they are in a long distance relationship, I just want you to sit with them right now in this very moment, slow them down.

Father God, I want you to place your hand over them. I want them to feel the Holy Spirit fill up the room in this very moment. And I want you to remind Cassandra, Sandy, Lilette, Isabelle, all of these people, I want you to remind them who they are. I want you to remind them that they are not powerless, but in essence, they are powerful because their power comes directly from the kingdom. All they need to do is call on you. I ask in this very moment that those that are afraid to date, that those that are afraid to grow, that those are afraid and traumatized by their past, that you allow them to know that they are powerful instead of powerless. That their trauma is a story, but it doesn't need to lead the rest of their testimony. It doesn't need to lead the rest of their story. Do you understand how powerful that is? That the things that have happened to you have happened to you. The things that have happened to you to you don't need to happen to you anymore. You understand me?

I pray that if you are listening to this right now, you receive the courage necessary to dive in, to get to know yourself, to dive in and call in your future partner, to dive in and have the audacity, not just the courage, but the audacity to remember who you are and understand that this marriage and this relationship is difficult, but you know everything that you need to do. And the only thing that's left to do is to do it.

God will send you people in your life that are meant to be there forever and some are meant to be for a season, but they all serve you. They all serve a divine purpose. They all serve, whether it's a lesson, whether it changed you, whatever it is, there is a purpose for that. I pray that you don't become over consumed by the ways of this world and remember that you are not of this world, you are just in this world.

I pray that you latch onto God every single moment that you feel weary. I pray that when you think about your relationship, you don't look back at it disgruntled, but you look back at it seeing the glories of God, of how much he pulled you through that. I pray that you start looking at your story with less shame and more success because you are successful, baby. You are successful. I pray that you be reminded who you are. In Jesus name, amen.

Okay, listen, if any of this resonated with you, you wanna work with me, I always say it takes two to do the work, it takes two to do the work, but it only takes one to start, okay? Whether you're a couple, whether you're one -on -one, I want you to go to the link in my bio and book a sales call. If any of this resonated with you, you need to work with me. You understand me? We are going to build the exact communication strategies it's going to take in order for you to feel good about your relationship and start feeling like you both are on the same page.

All right. My name is Karina F. Daves. I'm a relationship expert, a speaker, and the podcast host of this dope podcast Relationships. You understand? If you're not subscribed to my email list, go to the link in my bio subscribe. Now we drop daily gems on relationships and you need them. All right. I love you so much. All right. In Jesus name. We didn't pray again, but amen. He deserves all the glory.