dating someone with kids
One of the hardest things I have had to learn over the years is how to love.
Something so simple is really one of the most complicated, submissive things that one can do.
Dating someone with kids requires you to take an audit of your capability of loving a child that is not your own. Check out my podcast episode on "Should I Date Someone With Kids?" as I share the full story on how I rejected my husband when I found out he had kids.
These are the top 3 things you should think about when dating someone with kids:
1. Heart Posture
When was the last time you checked your heart posture? Your heart posture is the key to dating someone with kids because if it's not in a mature place then you may jeopardize the stamp of love you can place on kids that are not yours.
To demonstrate love or kindness is easy, but to truly surrender and love beyond any boundaries that exist, takes heart-wrenching work.
Loving children like they’re your own before you even have your own children requires a deep maturity. A type of maturity that loves beyond the standard way of loving.
2. Don't Settle
You shouldn’t feel “content” with dating or being married to someone with kids.
You should desire it. It should make you happy, you should want to include those children or child in everything that you do that is seen as family, because that is what you are —a family.
One thing I want to make clear is that if you’re considering dating someone with children or already are in that relationship and don’t feel like it’s for you – don’t feel bad.
Being a step-parent isn’t’ for everyone. However, I urge you to think twice about staying in that relationship and dating someone with kids.
If you don’t have the heart to love a child that is not from your womb, you need to think twice about leaving because you will eventually hurt that child and shift their blessings.
The way you “settle” to love them will affect their lives in one way or another. Just because you can braid their hair better, dress them better, or even expose them to new experiences, does not make you a better step-parent.
If you can love them as if they were your own is what makes the difference, it’s what shifts the whole story. It’s what resets the name “step-parent”, it redefines it by the way you love.
Your love is a stamp, and no one wants a smudgy stamp on their life. Dating someone with kids is nothing to be taken lightly.
3. You want it to be just the two of you
Do you secretly wish it was just you and your partner? Do you secretly wish the kids weren't in the picture?
The type of maturity that embraces sharing is what is required of you when dating someone with kids. Your whole world will change. The plans you had for your life will change.
Your weekends and holidays will look completely different.
Remember that when entering these relationships, you just don’t change your own life, but the lives of these babies – no matter their age – they’re still your partner’s babies. Treat them as if they were your own. And don’t feel guilty if you can’t.
You’re better off not dating someone with kids than to date someone with kids and affecting their lives negatively. Talk with yourself about this, if this is you. At the end of the day, these kids matter, but so do you.
Questions to ask yourself before dating someone with kids:
If you’re considering dating someone with kids, or are already dating someone with kids, I would highly recommend that you take a second look at your situation and ask yourself the following questions:
Is this what you really want?
Can you really love these babies as if they were your own?
Are you easily irritated by them?
Do you not want the kids around?
Is their safety something you think about, even when they’re not around?
Do you just really like their mom or dad but secretly wish it was just you two?
If you're ready to stop living from a place of confusion but really on purpose to get your life back, then book a sales call with me here to see if I'm the coach for you. I want to coach you through this season of your life!
