What you need to know before marriage

There are several things you need to know before marriage, and often we are left in the dark and dismiss many things because we are in love with the idea of marriage.

Things you need to know before marriage around certain values are important to your decision making before one makes a life-long commitment.

Listen to this podcast episode "I'm STILL married" where I discuss the last decade of marriage.

Here are crucial things you need to know before marriage.

1. Money

As the butterflies simmer and return, it’s important to know before marriage thoughts around finances with your partner.

This includes the money each of you HAVE and the money each of you OWE.

If you’re transparent enough to share a bed for the rest of your life, then sharing financial history should be an easy “to do”. 

Discuss each others debts 
Unpack financial goals as a couple for the next 5 years
Process current accounts and if you plan to merge your current accounts; if not, how will you split cost of living together. Knowing your financial views before marriage shouldn't be seen as shameful.

This is a lifetime commitment, you want to better understand where you both stand and there's nothing wrong with that.

2. Religion / Spirituality

Another important thing to know before marriage is each other's views on religion and spirituality. Most of the time, our spiritual journeys and dedication are the foundation of their lives. It’s how core values are shaped.

This is such an important topic, because it can literally dictate how everything else functions in our marriage. We need to ask the question about each others faith before marriage.

It's an important question to ask because much of our faith dictates the way decisions are made regarding money, kids, jobs, attending events, socializing, and so on.

It’s crucial to talk about your spiritual beliefs because it can eventually create a wedge or build you two up closer together.

3. Children

If having children are a non-negotiable for you and you are in a season of dating to get married, then you need to know before marriage if your future partner wants kids, too.

You need be careful not to play the game of "I hope he changes his mind”. And granted, some folks do change their mind and that’s great.

But, you don't want to mute your desire for kids to turn into resentment because they don't agree. You don't want having kids to be something you convince someone to do.

Rather, you want it to be a part of their DNA. Ask the "do you want kids?" question before marriage is pivotal.

4. Values & Hobbies

Values and Hobbies go hand in hand. Our values directly affect the hobbies we participate in.

It's important to know before marriage what each others values are and what activities are important for your partner to continue honoring.

You should joyfully be able to talk about your hobbies and things you enjoyed before you entered your relationship.

Make it clear that it is still something you intend to continue.

I’ve witnessed so many marriages where the husband or wife is no longer allowed to enjoy the things they did before. Something as simple as going to a basketball court or attending a girls dinner is an opportunity for a reset.

Plenty of our hobbies are moments to pour into ourselves. These hobbies allow us to come back newer and refreshed.

As a recovering control addict, I can tell you that it only builds up resentment. Yes, your partner should be there now to start a family and start traditions of your own.

You’re both still individuals

What good will it do if your partner is stripped of who they used to be? Isn’t that who you fell in love with originally? You fell in love with your best friend and their qualities. Read previous blog post "Top Qualities of a Good Friend" as it identifies what is a good friend.

We have to allow our partners to still be themselves in their hobbies, friends, appropriate events, etc. It will only lead to them being better parents, spouses and your best friend.

If you're someone who values marriage, then you know how important it is to you.

So, why not invest crucial time in these important things you need to know before marriage. If you are currently in a relationship and feel as though you have lost yourself, book a sales call with me.

Let's redefine who you want to be. I want to help you get your freaking life back. I can't wait to meet you, chica.