how to forgive someone
Figuring out how to forgive is not easy. However, it is a part of your deliverance.
Forgiveness is a lot more about you and less about the person that you are choosing to forgive.
Forgiving someone is not letting them off the hook, it just feels like you are.
Whether that hurt is in the form of cheating, lying, slandering your name or saying something inappropriate, there's not denying that it hurts. Hence, why it hurts to forgive.
We mainly find it difficult to forgive toxic people in our lives, listen to my episode "How to Detox From Toxic People" as I talk about the issues with forgiving and having toxic people in your life.
These are the top 3 things you should think about when forgiving someone.
1. Confrontation
The scariest part of figuring out how to forgive someone is telling them what you're feeling. We tend to be scared about confronting the person that we feel hurt by.
The key to confronting people that hurt you is to be slow to speak and quick to listen.
Listening patiently to the details of their side of the story is essential. Forgiving is also about creating space for the offender.
I am not saying that their side will be clear to you. However, if the goal really is closure and reconciliation, then we owe it to those that hurt us to at least hear them out.
When someone offends or hurts you, it’s best to approach that individual immediately (Matthew 18:15).
Don’t wait on it and make up details in your mind of how things occurred or should’ve occurred.
If you’re going to wait years before you approach them and still interact with them in your circle of friends, you might as well just let it go or let them go.
People are allowed to evolve over the years and the harboring of your frustration towards them doesn’t help.
2. Acceptance
Now that you have heard the person out, it’s time to choose between the two options below. Deciding on how to forgive this person, your following options are:
1. Acceptance to continue the friendship or
2. Acceptance and moving on
Yes, I do believe that those two options exist. It’s possible to pray for people you love from afar. You can accept what they did, and you should choose to forgive because it’s what helps you.
However, forgiveness doesn’t always equate to keeping those people around.
There are so many things that we all need to work.
Whether it’s our maturity, gossiping nature, over drinking, etc. — you can certainly decide to grow with them or choose to allow that evolution to happen without you.
Figuring out how to forgive will always feel yucky, don't wait for it to feel comfortable.
From experience, I can tell you that my controlling nature took a very long time to evolve and so did my gossiping spirit. I’m just being honest.
You must decide if you accept that person for their mistakes and continue fellowshipping with them. Or you accept that person for their mistakes and decide to love from afar.
There isn't one right way to forgive, it's about doing whatever is logical to you.
3. They are not your assignment
When thinking of how to forgive someone we tend to get in the pool with them and want to save them from everything.
We have to trust that you are not their social worker or personal therapist.
Their issues aren't automatically your assignment. Forgiveness is about giving you the freedom to decide on how you want to feel about that person.
It's giving you the full power and agency to make a decision.
What you must not do is keep it all bottled inside and not forgive.
Not forgiving someone creates portals in your life for negative emotions to reside in.
Eventually these negative emotions will equate to negative things affecting your life.
Trust me. Forgive and move forward together or forgive and move on.
Be sober of the mind, have grace for their mistakes and compassion to let it go. Then do what is required —move on.
Over the years I’ve had to prune certain friendships.
These relationships still treated me the way I behaved 10 years ago.
What I identified with a decade ago and no matter how much I evolved never was enough for them. I decided to let them go and move on.
Questions to ask yourself when figuring out how to forgive?
If you’re thinking about forgiving someone, I would ask yourself the following questions:
Is this a friendship or relationship that you want to continue?
What level of hurt is this?
Is this event something that we can work through and that I can move on from?
Have I outgrown this relationship?
Are the chances high of them hurting me again.
If you're ready to stop living from a place of confusion, but really on purpose to get your life back, then book a sales call with me here to see if I'm the coach for you. I want to coach you through this season of your life!
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