111. The Silent Cheating Series Pt 3: Parental
Meet the Host
Five years ago, after achieving my degrees and teaching as a professor, I was feeling proud that I had checked everything off my life list. But, I wasn’t satisfied in my marriage.
Today, I’m a relationship coach on a mission to resurrect the side of you that got lost in your relationship and responsibilities teaching you how to stop arguing and have more sex. Millions of people around the world soak up my content for advice on how to have a more satisfying relationship.
Welcome to our new podcast series - The Silent Cheating Series. This is a 3 part series and I break down the top ways in which you are silently cheating in your marriage, and you don’t even know that it’s cheating.
Welcome to our new podcast series - The Silent Cheating Series. This is a 3 part series and I break down the top ways in which you are silently cheating in your marriage, and you don’t even know that it’s cheating.
In Part 3, I want to teach you the ways that you may be parentally cheating on your partner. This episode is specifically for couples that have children.
I share 3 different things that can cause gaps in your relationship by the way you parent your children.
Click the link to listen below and email me back with your thoughts, I want to hear from you!
If this episode resonated with you and you're ready to work with me during this season of your life, then I invite you to book a call for us to connect and chat.
During this call, you will share what is going on in your life, what you have tried so far, and I will share how I can help. I can't wait to meet you.
P.S. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp®. Get professional support when you need it, at a fraction of the cost of in-person therapy. Sign up today and receive 10% off your first month! Click the link to get started!
BetterHelp: https://betterhelp.com/karinafdaves
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karinafdaves/
Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@karinafdaves
Personal Website: https://www.karinafdaves.com
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqlt...
Amazon Storefront: https://www.amazon.com/shop/karinafdaves
Episode Transcript:
Karina: Amigos, buenos dias, como están? Welcome to Relationships. You Understand?, podcast hosted by me, relationship expert, Karina F. Daves, speaker and relationship coach. Today we're going to finish our series called Silent Cheating Series. This one specifically is focused on parental. And I know what you're thinking. How can you cheat as a parent? So this episode is specifically for couples that have children. And I want to teach you in the ways that you may not see right now that you are parentally cheating on your partner. Okay, we'll go through them quick. As you know, my episodes are always very quick, direct, and to the point. All right, here we go.
Number one, parenting is tricky because it is multiple values coming together into one household. And so, I want you to understand that what ends up happening is you grew up a certain way with a certain amount of households and your partner grew up a certain way with a certain type of household. And then y'all come together and bring those values together. And so when there creates this sort of tension or chaos or dispute, it's simply a battle of the values. You understand? So number one, the way that you are parentally cheating on your partner, is by having inconsistent discipline. When you and your partner are not on the same page of how you are disciplining your children, it creates a lot of tension, a lot of things that your kids see. Like your kids aren't dumb, I don't care. Well, I do care how young they are, but, children are able to see that there is inconsistency with the way that you discipline. That's why if mommy says, no, I'm gonna go straight to daddy because I know that daddy will most likely have a different answer. Okay? And what ends up happening is you end up contradicting yourselves in front of your kids and that isn't healthy at all. And it begins to create such a division in your household that your own kids start to pick up on those habits and start to manipulate them, to be honest with you. Like kids, they don't like sit there at night, I'm gonna manipulate my parents. They just understand the inconsistency of that behavior, okay? It also creates such a gap for respect for one of the parents, okay?
The second way that you are parentally cheating on your partner is that you begin confiding in your kids for adult things. Now I've read about this many, many years ago. And you should too, you should look up emotional incest. That is when parents depend on their kids for adult issues, for things that they have no business confiding in their kids about. For example, you know, and I made a reel about this a long time ago where parents are excited to be their kids' best friend. Now here's the thing, the definition of my best friend is I tell you everything. I'm not beat to tell you about my relationship with my husband, with your dad, with things that bills, things that you don't have the maturity level to process right now. Okay, you are starting to use your children as emotional confidants and you don't understand the pressure and confusion that this puts on your babies. Your children should not be the place that you confide in for adult level things. That is what your partner is there for and if your partner is not emotionally stable to be there for you, there are other adults in this world or other experts in this world that you can confide in. It does not have to be your baby. It does not have to be your ten-year-old child. It does not have to be these babies. You understand me? I feel very strongly about this, as you can tell.
The third way that you are parentally cheating on your partner is you begin prioritizing your parental role over your partnership. And what that looks like is you tend to start focusing on the needs of the kids over the needs of your partner, right? Rather than, you know, taking care of each other, you focus mainly your energy on the kids. And what this starts to do is it starts to tear apart your intimacy, right? When your partner begins to feel that you are no longer spending time with them, they're no longer your focus, they are no longer a priority over the kids, that intimacy starts to break apart. And this is exactly the point where you two will start feeling like two co-parents, two roommates living under the same exact roof. This is when the romantic partnership goes away and the supportive bond goes away. And this is where the main priority are the kids. The main priority is your parental role. This will create such an emotional distance between you and your partner in such a way where not only do you feel less romantic, not only do you feel less intimate, you also begin to feel the lack of communication between you two. You understand?
Okay, these are the top three ways that you are parentally cheating on your partner. I want you to take them seriously, especially if y'all have kids. I don't care if your kids are 18 and you're 20. This is so important to look back on and figure out if possibly this was your marriage gap. This was the gap in your relationship, okay? I wanna pray for you.
Father God, thank you so much for this day. I thank you so much that you continue to cover and protect us in this ratchet world. I thank you for loving us and keeping our children safe. Ask that you give us clarity on the things that we have been confused about. I ask that you give us clarity on our relationship and the very things that are going on at work, our money, our family. Right now we are getting into a season of holidays, Lord. And I just ask that you allow us to mend the very parts of our families in our own way, in your own way that are necessary and that are needed for us to open up the many floodgates of blessings that you have prepared for us. I love you so much. Amen.
Okay. If this episode resonated with you, you need to work with me. Okay. Go to the link in my bio and book a consultation call so we can talk about everything that's happened so far, what you tried, and how I can help.
My name is Karina F. Daves. I'm a relationship expert, speaker and podcast host of this podcast, Relationships. You Understand? And I have so much love for you. And I want you to know that whatever it is that you're struggling with, there is a solution and there is, there is time. You're not running out of time. Okay. I love you so much. Bye.
