113. Dating Someone With Kids Series Pt. 2: I Have Kids

Meet the Host

Five years ago, after achieving my degrees and teaching as a professor, I was feeling proud that I had checked everything off my life list. But, I wasn’t satisfied in my marriage.

Today, I’m a relationship coach on a mission to resurrect the side of you that got lost in your relationship and responsibilities teaching you how to stop arguing and have more sex. Millions of people around the world soak up my content for advice on how to have a more satisfying relationship.

Welcome to our new podcast series - Dating Someone With Kids Series. In this 3 part series I walk you through the many things that I want you to think about if you are considering dating someone with kids involved.

In Part 2, I am talking to you if you have kids. I share the top three things that you, as a parent, should look out for when dating someone.

I am giving this advice as someone who had two step parents, and who is a step parent. These are things you need to consider for your relationship to go well for you and for your kids.

Click the link to listen below and email me back with your thoughts, I want to hear from you!

If this episode resonated with you and you're ready to work with me during this season of your life, then I invite you to book a call for us to connect and chat.

During this call, you will share what is going on in your life, what you have tried so far, and I will share how I can help. I can't wait to meet you.

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Episode Transcript:  

Karina: Amigos como estan? Welcome back to Relationships. You Understand? hosted by me, Karina F. Daves relationship expert, speaker and podcast host of this dope podcast. Welcome back as we continue the series dating someone with kids. This was originally an episode I did over a year ago and I wanted to bring it back to make it a little bit longer about different perspectives.

So part one was they have kids. Part two is I have kids and part three will be we've decided to blend our family together, okay? So as you all know, my episodes are super quick and straight to the point. I have a client that I'm meeting in a couple of minutes. So I wanna break down this episode for you as coherent and quick as possible.

Listen, today we launched relationship 911 hotline. If you are not ready to work with me, okay, for the next four to six months, I get it. If you don't wanna attend a two hour workshop to get your relationship problem solved, I also get that. Which is why we've created relationship 911 hotline for only $6.99 a month. You will subscribe to a private podcast where you will be able to submit private questions anonymously about your relationship and you will get personalized episodes answering those relationship questions every single week, okay?

Go into my Instagram stories, check it out. Today only Cyber Monday, it will be for $6.99. After that, it will be $9.99. Okay? Here we go.

Dating someone with kids. If you have kids, these are the top three things that I need for you to consider when dating someone. Okay? The first thing is I need you to be very clear about what it is that you're looking for in a partner. Okay?

Your partner needs to have the following things. If you have kids, if you're the one with kids, you're single, you're out there and you're trying to find the love of your life. I need you to make sure that your partner understands that you are one a whole package with your kids. Number two, that they need to be able to regulate their jealousy because that will happen. All right. And, and head over to, episode one, where I talk a little bit about jealousy and number three, they need to really understand how much inclusivity, like your family being united, these kids being united with them and you mean so much to you. That is along the lines of like, this is a whole package, okay? When you are the person that has kids and you are dating out there, the first thing you need to make sure is that your partner has those attributes, okay? If they do not, if they're not a cohesive person that likes to include everybody out the window, if they're not somebody that can regulate their jealousy, out the window. If there's somebody that don't understand that you're a whole package with you and your kids, out the window, okay? I didn't even say door, I just said the window, I don't know why.

Number two, if you are the person with kids, you need to also be clear about how this person will fit into the picture of this family. So you need to be very clear about your daily routine. You need to be very clear about the habits that your household has, about certain commitments that y'all have as a family. This person loves you. This person wants to be with you. And because they wanna be with you, they've accepted you and your children, but you need to be very clear about what that means. And what that means is them coming into that daily routine of very established values, very much established habits, very much established things that happen in your household that are normal to you that are not normal to them, okay? Second to that, you need to be very clear about what their parenting authority is.

This is exactly why many couples that are dating each other where kids are not of their own can get into a lot of strife because there aren't clear expectations about what the parental authorities are. And what I mean by that is like this partner that you're calling your partner that you're dating, you need to be very clear about what their authority is on your kids. Are they only allowed to like...

feed them and take care of them or are they allowed to put their foot down? And if they're allowed to put their foot down in certain situations, how? Are they allowed to talk to the kids about certain subjects? Are they allowed to take the kids certain places without you knowing? What are the parenting authorities for this individual? needs to be so, so, so clear, okay? Then if you are still co-parenting with your ex and y'all have, whether it's a good relationship or not, your partner needs to be very clear about what that relationship looks like. Are we vacationing together? Is your ex gonna be showing up places? Are they dramatic? Are they still in love with you? Are they, you know, baby daddy drama, baby mama drama? Are they super clear? Are we good here, right? You need, or are they not in the picture at all? It needs to be super clear what the co-parenting relationship will look like.

Okay, and last, so first, if you have kids and you're dating someone that doesn't have kids, but you're bringing kids into the situation, one, you need to be very clear about what that partner has, okay, as far as personality traits and all things of that nature, okay? So remembering that they know that you're the whole package, being able to regulate their jealousy and also be inclusive.

Two, you need to be very clear about how this individual fits into the picture of your whole package, okay? What your daily routine is like, their parenting authority, and their relationship with the ex. And last, this is actually for me, this is the most important. Not only do you need to be clear that this person is a match for you, this person also needs to be a match for your kids.

Plenty of times when we are dating someone with kids, we forget this part or even ourselves that has the kids, we forget this part. And this is talking about, this is talking from somebody that not only had two step parents, but is also a step parent, okay? You need to be very clear and understanding that not only is this individual a match for you, but is also a match for your kids. Personality wise, do they get along? Do you have kids with special needs? Do you have kids that may have behavioral issues, do you have kids that are more shy, are they a match for your kids? You are an entire package. And if you don't put the importance on them as well, this relationship will not go well. And even if it does between you both, the kids will suffer. You understand me? And we don't want that, okay?

Again, my episodes are super straight into the point. These are the three things that I want you to look out for. If you are dating someone and you are the person with kids, either the top three things that are very important for you to consider. If right now you are going through this situation and you're like, dang, this is me. This is, have the kids and it's very difficult to figure out where we stand. You need to work with me. I'm going to help you come up with the exact communication strategies. It's going to take for you both to be on the same page about your relationship and about what the family dynamics look like in this relationship with your kids. You understand me?

Go to link in my bio and book a consultation call so we can talk about everything that's happened so far, what you've tried and how I can help, all right? I love you so much. Let me just pray for you really quick.

Father God, I thank you so much for this day. I thank you so much for the blessings of our children, our finances, our lives, our careers, everything. I thank you that we're allowed to plant our feet on the ground today. I ask in this very moment that you replenish us as we know that things like the holidays feel like they deplete us Lord, but let us rebuke that mindset and understand that we are entering a season of abundance and not a season of deficit Lord. I pray over everybody's household and may know and may the enemy not strike them with any type of plan. Would you send the enemy's plan back to the pits of hell where it belongs? We love you so much God in your name we pray.

Okay. I love you so much. I hope this episode was helpful. Relationship 911 hotline, okay? Go to link my bio, subscribe to it, $6.99 right now, $9.99 after. If you're ready to do this work with me, book a consultation call, we'll talk more. And I can't wait to talk to you. I love you so much. Thank you for coming back for another episode of Relationships. You Understand? with me, your host, Karina F. Daves. Love you, bye.