83. Top 3 Signs You Are Falling Out of Love with Your Partner

Meet the Host

Five years ago, after achieving my degrees and teaching as a professor, I was feeling proud that I had checked everything off my life list. But, I wasn’t satisfied in my marriage.

Today, I’m a relationship coach on a mission to resurrect the side of you that got lost in your relationship and responsibilities teaching you how to stop arguing and have more sex. Millions of people around the world soak up my content for advice on how to have a more satisfying relationship.

In this week’s episode, we’re discussing the top three signs you are falling out of love with your partner. 

There is a difference between being “in love” and having “love” for your partner. When you have love for your partner you respect them and have care and compassion for them. However, being “in love” requires you to consciously decide to be with this person and share the rest of your life. 

Falling “out of love” with our partners can be very scary because it clashes with the big decision of doing life with them. Listen as I walk you through the top 3 signs of falling “out of love” with your partner and how I guide my clients through the problems that can arise during this time and towards a more loving relationship. 

Click the link to listen below and email me back with your thoughts, I want to hear from you!

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During the sales call, you will share what is going on in your life, what you have tried so far, and how I can help. I can't wait to meet you, chica.

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Episode Transcript:

Karina: Amigos, como estan? Welcome back to Relationships You Understand with me, your host, Karina F. Daves, relationship coach and speaker and podcast host of this dope podcast. Today we're going to talk about top three signs that you are falling out of love with your partner. Kind of juicy, right? I first want to say thank you for coming back for another week and two that I recently had my wisdom teeth removed and so I'm still very swollen and it's Difficult to talk because the bottom of my face is numb.

So if I slur my words and it is what it is Nobody's perfect anyways. Okay? Um, the other thing is that I'm going to start recording episodes to answer all of your questions. So you can leave it in the comments in my reels. You can DM me privately. You can tell me not to use your name. I'm going to create, start creating bonus episodes where I'm going to literally answer questions live.

You understand? Okay, so let's get right into it top three signs. You are falling out of love with your partner now Let's just define what I mean by falling out of love when you are in love with your partner you have such an admiration, like this is your life partner. You are attracted to them. You want to be that, be with them.

Like there is such a deep desire to want to do life together. That's what I define as a relationship expert being in love. I don't really see it as the, um, sort of like high school, you know, ways like, I love you, but I'm not in love with you. Like the way I see it is that. You can love something or love someone, which means that you have a lot of respect and appreciation for them, but it doesn't mean that you want to be with them forever, right?

That's what I mean by having love for someone. It doesn't mean you want to do life with that person necessarily, but when you are in love with someone, right, that is somebody that you are making a conscious decision. To want to be with for the rest of your life That is the person that you want by your side to grow old with you have similar values You want to do a lot of the similar a lot of the same things and still respect very much your own individuality Um and appreciate the things that each person brings to the relationship.

So that's what I mean by saying you are in love Now, top three signs when you are falling out of love, when you are falling out of the idea of I don't know if this person is for me anymore. Falling out of the idea of I don't know if this is who I want to do life with anymore. I don't know if we want the same things anymore.

That is what I mean by falling out of love. You understand? And so I want to express to you, excuse me, I want to explain to you the top three signs that you are falling out of love with your partner. Okay. This is when you were having the thoughts of, I don't know if I want to be with them for the rest of my life anymore.

That's what I mean. Okay, so these are the top three signs when you're falling out of love with your partner. Numero uno, very simple. You want completely different things, okay? Your values are different. This all boils down to values. When you got together, You wanted a certain set of things, and now 10 years into the relationship, you both want completely different things.

Let me explain this part for a second. When I say you want completely different things, I'm saying that you want completely different things for the partnership, not for you individually. You understand? So for example, when my husband and I got married, we both really wanted. To create generational wealth and we had a list of things that we wanted to not carry on right and that had to do with our parenting that had to do with our money that had to do with, um, education and educating our, you know, future kids at the time, you know, buying property like these are things that we valued together.

And we also had individual things that we wanted that weren't necessarily the same. I was very much focused on climbing the corporate ladder. Like, that was something that I valued individually. Whereas my husband Terrence valued working on his dreams first, which was to become a race car driver. Those are two completely different values that mainly affect the individual.

And yes, you can say that it affected our partnership because we had to support each other, but the values for the partnership and the life that we were trying to build together remain the same. You understand? And these are values that you're constantly talking about because year one of your relationship is a very different person that you will be with in year two, in year three, in year four, these are completely different people in the same way that, and I'm not trying to compare, you know, your spouse to a child, okay, I don't want you to take it that way, but in the same way that as parents, you know, when your kid is four, You're a parent to a four year old, but when your kid is five, you're now a parent to a five year old.

It's like it always changes, right? That's the same thing for your relationship. Y'all are always evolving every single year. Okay, and if you're not Then there's something to talk about. So when you are falling out of love with your partner, you are having completely different ideas and wanting different things for the relationship.

You are not wanting the same thing for your courtship, for your marriage, for your partnership. You are not wanting the same thing. That is a big sign that you were falling out of love with the person that you originally fell in love with. Okay. The second sign that you are falling out of love with your partner and it kind of weeds off to like when you want completely different things.

What happens when you want completely different things for the partnership and you can't find an agreement, you can't find common ground, is you start living two separate lives. When you start falling out of love with your partner, you will essentially begin living two separate lives. And this is a very pivotal moment for a lot of relationships when they start to feel like their partner is no longer their life partner, but now has become their roommate.

Now is the person that you go to, to ask, Hey, it was this bill paid. Hey, what's for dinner. Hey, where are we going to pick up that kid? You know, Hey, when is the recital for this? You start focusing heavily on the mechanics of the relationship, but your life, your individual needs, your desires, everything that you've wanted.

for the relationship becomes separate. You have now emotionally and mentally removed yourself from the values that the partnership originally wanted. You've given up, you don't talk about it. You just live two completely separate lives. Now, in many cases, these couples will also start to sleep in different bedrooms.

I'm not talking about sleeping in different bedrooms because your, you know, spouse snores. No, I'm talking about sleeping in different bedrooms because you realize that You want completely different things. You don't value the same things and you make a great team for the mechanics of your life, but you don't necessarily have a life partnership where you are meshing your desires, your wants, your needs, your happiness, everything together, you understand?

And so you will start to live two separate lives, not just physically, but emotionally. And you will stop focusing on the partnership needs and only focus on your own individual needs. You understand? That is a big sign that you are falling out of love with your partner. Okay, the third sign that you are falling out of love with your partner is, many people will call this grace, but I'm going to use some other phrases, is you don't give your partner the benefit of the doubt the majority of the time.

You don't assume positive intent. And this is something that my girlfriend who's really close to me. Last year, we were at a trip in Mexico and she started teaching me about assuming positive intent. And we were having mainly DEI conversations, but I learned this from her and started to do my research around it.

And I realized how much it also applies to relationships, right? Where you're basically not giving the person the benefit of the doubt and you're not intent. You no longer have space to give your partner grace. You just assume that everything that they do is not right, not good, you know, possibly malicious, superficial.

Like there is very little room when you are falling out of love with your partner for you to see them in a positive light, to actually even see them in any type of light, you understand? So these are the three signs that you are falling out of love with your partner. One, you want completely different things, your values are different.

Two, you begin to live two separate lives and no longer are focused on the actual needs and desires of the partnership. And three, you no longer Give them the benefit of the doubt or assume positive intent. Okay, and as a relationship expert I've seen this Constantly with my clients when they come to me and they're just like I don't even know what we're doing here Like I don't even know what I want in this relationship.

I've tried Everything it just doesn't seem to get through to them. You know it just It's not working. I'll give you, for example, I had one client that really loved their partner. They had been together, uh, for a very long time. Like we're talking almost two decades and they felt like in their relationship, it just started coasting.

And they were mainly focused on the mechanics of the relationship. Let's call this person. Um, I don't know, Miguel. Okay. And so Miguel really felt like his wife. Uh, let's call her Lorena. Miguel really felt like Lorena was coasting with him. And Lorena really felt like, I'm just letting you lead. Right. And Miguel was like, I kind of feel like I don't know what we're doing.

I want to do so many things and I want their take on this. And Lorena was like, well, every single time I give you my take on it, it just isn't good enough. And you seem to be doing a great job leading. So it is what it is. Um, and so at the end of the day, how I worked through this was three things. Okay.

Which is the first month of working together. We focused on grounding them and self regulating them. When you are able to take the initial step of doing the groundwork, which is getting everything out that you feel, releasing all the resentment, releasing all the anger, talking about it. Telling they what they both did was tell told me everything that annoys them about the other person, right?

And where their pain points were it gave me the ability to see okay. That is a big deal That's not really a big deal. That's nitpicking. Okay, that's a big deal What I want you to understand when you are falling out of love with your partner Everything becomes a big deal and it's really not You understand and then the second month we really spent working on Communication to comprehension and having difficult conversations when you are falling out of love with your partner You are going to need to start having difficult conversations in a way That allows them to understand you and you understand them right now you and your partner Are calling it communication, but all you're doing is questioning each other and getting into arguments.

You're not communicating. You're just talking and talking isn't communicating. Okay, and talking to comprehend each other, give valid points, give feedback, brainstorm on how we can aid things like that. That's positive communication. Okay. And so in the second month of working together, we really worked through how to talk to each other.

I provided them with several frameworks on, you know, how to work through their issues. Now I'll share with you. I shared with them my three, two, one method. Okay. Which is when you are with a partner that has a lot of questions. Right? Because you love this partner, you will fall into the pool of answering all of their questions without realizing that after you answer the first 10 questions, they're going to have 10 more questions after that.

Okay? And then you are going to become fed up and then it's going to even add more coins to the thought of, I don't know if I want to be in this relationship anymore. Okay. So in my three, two, one method, I give you a chance. To not only regulate your frustration, put on the weight. on your partner to self regulate their own emotions and feelings around the answers that you give them.

So you only get three questions to ask me about the same subject because we are not sitting here for two hours talking about the same exact thing. My answers should be enough for you to assume positive intent that I'm telling you the truth. And if you cannot believe me based on The way that I answer these three profound questions that you've asked me, then we need to take a break.

Then we need to solve this in a different way. Then what are we doing here? Right? Because at the end of the day, the more questions that you answer and the more questions that you ask, the more you are spinning out the relationship. You are not getting to any resolution and plenty of couples really believe that asking their partner 20, 40, 50 questions about the same subject is really moving the needle when it's absolutely not.

Instead, it's keeping you both stagnant and creating such a large pile of resentment, anger, and even extreme thoughts of I'm falling out of love with you. And I don't even know if I want to be with you anymore. You understand? So that was great. Thank you, Jesus for that word. Um, and so that was what we spent on the second month.

And I would say the third is you got to make another agreement. Your relationship is all about multiple agreements, making agreements over and over again. Trust in your relationship is not built on answering questions after question after question. Trust in your relationship is built upon reputation and making multiple agreements over and over again.

And what I mean by that is that you can be in a relationship where, let's say one of y'all stepped out and cheated on the other person. Now that infringes on the, on your reputation, right? And the partnership must now decide, do we stay together or do we move on? You make another agreement at that point.

Now where couples go wrong in this situation, in this specific scenario is that they will remain together after the cheating, but then one partner will try to hold the other partner accountable by clocking them by saying, well, you need to, we know. Feed me and let me know, like, you know, that, you know, you're not doing this anymore.

When, after the agreement is done, the only thing that the partner who was cheated on needs to do is hold themselves accountable for remaining in that situation. You have to self-regulate. You have to do that work because the cheating was already done. You understand? The, the, the reputation was already infringed on, right?

If you make an agreement to stay together, that is on both of y'all. That is on one person to rebuild their reputation and that is on the other person to stand firm on their decision to stick around and to try again. That is another agreement that you, um, decide to make together. Okay, listen, I know we went a little off track with these, um, examples, but I hope that you understand that in order to solve for you falling out of love with your partner, I want you to first, uh, self regulate and do a lot of the groundwork with releasing and talking to somebody and listen, this is where I want to work with you.

My one on one private coaching. Okay. I want to work together to have that first month really be a space for you to just. Word vomit. Tell me everything that's happening, everything that you feel so that we can get you to the second stage, which is figuring out the best strategies to be able to communicate with your partner, what it is that you feel so that they understand you.

And then in that third month, we work on making another agreement in your, in your relationship and also figuring out how to now solve or how to now navigate their responses. Because once you start showing up as your true self, your partner is going to have some answers. I mean, some questions, your partner is going to have some questions about what is going on.

They're going to have reactions to that. And I'm going to help you navigate that. You understand? Okay. I hope this episode was helpful. Later on today, maybe during my lunch break, I will record another episode answering questions about your relationship. Please feel free to DM them to me. You can email them to me, whatever the case is.

Um, if you are in a season in your life where you know that it's the right time for us to work together, Go to link in my bio and book a sales call so we can talk about everything that's happened so far, what you've tried and how I can help. I want to help you in this relationship figure out if you're falling out of love and it's over, or if you're falling out of love and we need to give this a second chance.

You understand? Okay, let me pray for you. Father God, I thank you so much for this day. I thank you for the ability that you've given us to have air in our lungs. Ability to have gas in our cars and whatnot and just the precious things that you sent our way that we Can sometimes think are small? Uh things but they're actually really big blessings lord.

I ask that you cover the relationships that are listening to me I ask that you give clarity to anybody that has confusion right now And I just ask that you safeguard those that are feeling really conflicted about their relationship father god I ask that you protect our children as they go to school today.

And I, I just asked for you to talk to us, you know, God, it's, it's very confusing sometimes to figure out if the voice that we're hearing is yours or ours. And I just asked today that you give us an abundance of discernment to figure out whose voice we need to listen to, excuse me, so that we can make the right decisions in our relationship.

We love you so much in your name. We pray. Amen. Okay. Listen, if you enjoy this podcast episode, make sure to go to Apple iTunes, leave me a review, download it, subscribe to it, and share with all of your amigos. You can also hit me up at KarinaFDaves. com. Check out my website. And if you haven't already signed up for my newsletter by going to the link in my bio and dropping your email for my email newsletter called Release Your Relationship.

Okay, I love you so much. I hope that this was helpful. Um, let me just read some comments really quickly on here that I saw. I just want to make sure I'm respectful of them. Good morning. Have a fantastic Friday. Thank you, Wendell. You too. Um, let's go. Let's go. Let's see. Thank y'all so much

You mentioned a break. What are your opinions on people taking a break in the relationship? Oh Josh Josh jihad. I'm totally gonna make a podcast episode answering that question. Let me just screenshot this Okay, definitely answering that question. Yes kindly advise on people putting a hold on a relationship Definitely.

I got you, Karina. You are awesome. Thank you for taking the time out today to help married couples stay together. May God continue to bless you and your family. Thank you so much. I think that's a sleek J. Okay, listen, Te adoro con todo mi corazón. Have a wonderful weekend and I'll talk to you soon. All right.

My name is Karina F. Daves. I'm a relationship expert and the podcast host of this dope podcast, Relationships You Understand. I love you all!